Open Letter to My Abuser

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Note: This is a guest post. I am posting it for a friend. She is in fear for her life right now because of her involvement in an abusive relationship. She has been victimized and though she has gotten away from him, he continues to pursue her and terrorize her.

I hope this raises awareness. Leaving an abusive relationship is often only the beginning of yet another nightmare.

My dearest love/abuser:

How did we come to this?

Today I made out papers to have you–the one I have loved so very much–arrested. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I took no joy in it.

How did we come to this?

As I filled out the paragraphs of things you have done, threats, abuse, breaking into my home, my mind couldn’t help but wander back to happier times. You came to me at a time when I was at my most vulnerable, sick mentally and physically from what another had done. You took my hand and helped me up. You told me that I deserved better, and knew exactly what to say and do to put me at ease and calm my fears.

I thought that I had found a haven with you, and we soon became inseparable. I trusted you with my heart and my life, and this was my first mistake.

The signs I ignored are so clear to me now, the times we ran into your friends, and you stood with me behind you while I waited for introductions that never came, the photos where you were so careful to leave a space between us, another person, a table., etc., the frequent texts and private phone calls, the intense jealousy that I thought meant that you loved me. How foolish I was.

The punishment and reward pattern did not become clear until after the abuse intensified. When I pleased you, life was good, but I pleased you less and less. I tried harder to make you happy, but this became first a very difficult task, then an impossible one.

It wasn’t always this way. Because of you I had started writing again. I resumed my singing and my photography, long abandoned talents. I felt beautiful again because you said that I was. I had found myself in your eyes, but then your eyes turned from me.

Now I have to ask someone else to protect me from you.

The policeman said the protective order would not save my life, the judge would not grant it, and you laughed. The eyes that once held such warmth turned cold, and you laughed.

You broke into my home and went through my things. You threaten me daily, so now I have signed these papers. They won’t save me either… but I will.

I’ll save me because I’m tired. I’m tired of being bullied. I’m tired of backing down and being made to feel like less. So even though my eyes teared up and my hands shook, I signed those papers, and you will be arrested. Where it goes from here, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m sad, tired, and hurting – but I’m still standing.

I still believe in the goodness of people. I still believe that life can be better, and I’m going to keep striving, praying, reaching out to friends, until I see the sun shine again. My dearest abuser, I’m so sorry it came to this, but I have had enough, and it ends here. The abuse will stop. I am done.

Sincerely,
The woman who refuses to be your victim any longer

You can help her take back her life by donating to her GoFundMe account. Please give if you can.