Open Letter to My Abuser

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Note: This is a guest post. I am posting it for a friend. She is in fear for her life right now because of her involvement in an abusive relationship. She has been victimized and though she has gotten away from him, he continues to pursue her and terrorize her.

I hope this raises awareness. Leaving an abusive relationship is often only the beginning of yet another nightmare.

My dearest love/abuser:

How did we come to this?

Today I made out papers to have you–the one I have loved so very much–arrested. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I took no joy in it.

How did we come to this?

As I filled out the paragraphs of things you have done, threats, abuse, breaking into my home, my mind couldn’t help but wander back to happier times. You came to me at a time when I was at my most vulnerable, sick mentally and physically from what another had done. You took my hand and helped me up. You told me that I deserved better, and knew exactly what to say and do to put me at ease and calm my fears.

I thought that I had found a haven with you, and we soon became inseparable. I trusted you with my heart and my life, and this was my first mistake.

The signs I ignored are so clear to me now, the times we ran into your friends, and you stood with me behind you while I waited for introductions that never came, the photos where you were so careful to leave a space between us, another person, a table., etc., the frequent texts and private phone calls, the intense jealousy that I thought meant that you loved me. How foolish I was.

The punishment and reward pattern did not become clear until after the abuse intensified. When I pleased you, life was good, but I pleased you less and less. I tried harder to make you happy, but this became first a very difficult task, then an impossible one.

It wasn’t always this way. Because of you I had started writing again. I resumed my singing and my photography, long abandoned talents. I felt beautiful again because you said that I was. I had found myself in your eyes, but then your eyes turned from me.

Now I have to ask someone else to protect me from you.

The policeman said the protective order would not save my life, the judge would not grant it, and you laughed. The eyes that once held such warmth turned cold, and you laughed.

You broke into my home and went through my things. You threaten me daily, so now I have signed these papers. They won’t save me either… but I will.

I’ll save me because I’m tired. I’m tired of being bullied. I’m tired of backing down and being made to feel like less. So even though my eyes teared up and my hands shook, I signed those papers, and you will be arrested. Where it goes from here, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m sad, tired, and hurting – but I’m still standing.

I still believe in the goodness of people. I still believe that life can be better, and I’m going to keep striving, praying, reaching out to friends, until I see the sun shine again. My dearest abuser, I’m so sorry it came to this, but I have had enough, and it ends here. The abuse will stop. I am done.

Sincerely,
The woman who refuses to be your victim any longer

You can help her take back her life by donating to her GoFundMe account. Please give if you can.

Transgender, DNA, and Chromosomes

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I suspect there are some who will find this offensive. Oh well, it needs to be said so here goes.

There is something that has been puzzling me a bit about this whole transgender issue. How can these people rightfully demand that others call them by the gender that they “identify” with? We are being forced to lie by calling men women and women men just because a very small group is demanding that we willingly accept and swallow this unnatural and, dare I say perverted, practice.

You can change everything on the outside but at your core you will ALWAYS be the gender you were born as.

And you can NEVER change that. No amount of surgery, clothing, hair length, make up, nothing, NOTHING will ever change it.

Stick with me, folks. Here’s why.

Because your DNA will always betray you.

What is DNA?

DNA is the blueprint for who (and what) you are.

From the National Genome Research Institute:

DNA contains the instructions needed for an organism to develop, survive and reproduce. To carry out these functions, DNA sequences must be converted into messages that can be used to produce proteins, which are the complex molecules that do most of the work in our bodies.

Each DNA sequence that contains instructions to make a protein is known as a gene. The size of a gene may vary greatly, ranging from about 1,000 bases to 1 million bases in humans. Genes only make up about 1 percent of the DNA sequence. DNA sequences outside this 1 percent are involved in regulating when, how and how much of a protein is made.

What are Chromosomes?

To put it in simple terms, Chromosomes are essentially DNA that is wrapped around protein. So what’s the big deal? Why am I even bringing this up?

Let’s look to the National Genome Research Institute again to find out:

Females have two X chromosomes in their cells, while males have one X and one Y chromosome.

Now at least several of you are saying, “What about the people who have an extra sex chromosome or has an abnormality?”

Well, in all the research I have done, nowhere on valid, reputable sites or in actual scientific journals has it been noted that the result of sex chromosome abnormalities is that the person develops psychological problems where they begin to “identify” as the opposite gender. There is mention of physical abnormalities, but nothing that points to what is leading these people to try to change their gender through surgery.

I saw a guy on TV once who went through all these physical transformations to turn into a reptile – right down to the scales and split tongue.

You know what? He was still a human.

I read about a man who wanted to be a lion so he went through all of this body modification  – and looked pretty convincing I might add. He even had whiskers.

But, yep, he was still a human.

People tend to think that just because they go through body modifications, just because they “identify” as something else that makes it so. Well, I hate to break it to you, but YOUR WILL TO BE SOMETHING ELSE DOES NOT MAKE IT SO! And how exceedingly arrogant to think that it does.

Inherently, your genetic code, your DNA, your chromosomes, will give you away, identifying you as the male or female that you were born as.

Now this is a potential problem that I see. Say that one of the men dressed as girls or vice versa is involved in a horrendous accident or is the victim of a terrible crime – or worse, is a perpetrator. In processing the crime scene, blood or bodily fluids is gathered and processed in a lab  which returns it as the gender indicated by the DNA.

Hmmm. If it is a guy who “identifies” as a girl, that could be a problem. The police think they are looking for a man but the man has decided he wants to be a woman and is living as a woman right down to changing his gender on his driver’s license – what a mess!

Now, I highly doubt that these people are being entered into a database somewhere, along with a sample of their DNA so that various entities, including law enforcement, can keep up with their gender musical chairs.

No, because that would be <gasp!> discrimination! Personally, I think that when you violate the natural order of things you give up a certain degree of those non-discriminatory rights. There should be a database. There should be a way that at least law enforcement can keep up with the gender switchers.

But that’s just my opinion.

What is NOT my opinion is this:

If you are a man, you will always be a man. If you are a woman, you will always be a woman.

No matter what you change on the outside, your DNA – NATURE – will give you away – Every. Single. Time.

 

Be the Solution

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I would like to set the record straight on something. I have gotten some flack for posting against certain behaviors that have been exhibited, supposedly as a result of discrimination and racism.
I have been accused of being “white and therefore unable to understand racism or discrimination.”
I beg to differ.
What gripes me is that I have endured terrible, even life threatening racism yet when I bring it up it is brushed away like it doesn’t matter – like I don’t matter.
At times, what I went through could have been deadly – but what’s one less white person, right?
Maybe you mean that and maybe you don’t. Regardless, that is the message you send.
No, I don’t have to “understand the frustration.” Frustration is not a valid reason for a violent response. It only shows that you aren’t smart enough to deal with it in a constructive, healthy, intelligent way.
I have a pretty good perspective on this because, you see:
I have been SHOT AT because I was the wrong color.
I have been passed over for jobs because I was the wrong color – even though I had the better qualifications.
I have been abused because of my race and my disability, physically, emotionally, and verbally.
I have watched as a two young black men burned my shed to the ground because it belonged to a white person – though I had always kept to myself and was friendly to everyone I encountered.
So, trust me, being white is not all rainbows and unicorns. I don’t know what fantasy world people have been living in but you have the WAY wrong perspective.
You know what the difference was? Although I was frustrated, hurt, and, yes, angry, I never tried to kill anyone. I never beat anyone up. I never set fire to anything or destroyed property. I never rioted. I never blocked traffic or trashed a place or looted or put anyone in harm’s way.
I found my VOICE.
Actually, we are a lot like YOU. We are a lot like each other so dividing ourselves into these silly groups just makes us weak against the overriding force that is propelling all this (and I’ll give you a hint – it has no skin color).
Wake up people! Get smart!
You are being played, manipulated, controlled. The media, your government, they want to keep you angry and frustrated. They want to keep the racial division alive. That is why they feed this monster. It is much easier to control that way. They pull the strings and you do exactly what they want you to do.
Cut. The. Strings.
You have a mind, use it. You can think for yourself, stop regurgitating the propaganda that leaders on BOTH sides of this nonsense have been filling you with. Stop letting them control you! Regardless of what they say to your face, they DO NOT have your best interest at heart. You are nothing more than a pawn to them. You are disposable. You can be replaced.
They only want to use you to further their own agenda, using your emotions to control you.
And they are succeeding.
If the violent behavior has not worked yet, what makes you think it is going to work now? If what you are doing isn’t working, then it is time to do something else!
If you want to be taken seriously then
Stop playing the race card.
Stop with the pity party!
Stop the whining.
Stop the EXCUSES!
Stop the violence.
Stop doing stupid things that cast a bad light on ALL your people (I am talking about whites, blacks, everyone here).
Stop doing things that invalidate your argument.
FIND YOUR VOICE!
But don’t lump everyone in a group under the same label; that only makes you look uneducated, unintelligent, and it weakens your argument. Most of all, it makes you look RACIST.
Approach the situation with a clear, concise, intelligent response that recognizes not all people in a group can wear the same label – or should. Approach it in such a way that you offer SOLUTIONS instead of just griping about problems.
We are so much stronger standing shoulder to shoulder than we are on opposite sides of the street.
If you truly want things to change then you have to be PART OF THE SOLUTION.
And stop being part of the problem.
What can you do today to be the solution and start making a difference?

Why Transgender Men should not be Allowed in Women’s Restrooms

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And why as a Woman you should be Concerned

OK, I am going to share this. I haven’t told anyone about it, but in light of the controversy regarding men who “identify as female” to use the women’s restroom, I wanted to share my own personal experience – and you need to read it, especially if you are a biologically natural female or love one.

This is why I am against transgender men being allowed in the women’s restroom.

I was in Walmart a couple of months ago and I went into the women’s restroom that is located in the front of the store (this is in Goose Creek, South Carolina, near Charleston).

A young girl had walked in just ahead of me; she was maybe 10 or 11 years old. She went into the first stall and I went to the next one. As I walked in, I glanced toward the entrance to see an transgender man walk in (he was wearing a green dress, make up, medium length hair – but absolutely a man).

I hesitated, that maternal instinct rose up quickly but I figured the girl would be OK because she was already in the stall. So I went in my own stall. The girl started crying and I heard the mother (I assume she was the mother) come in and stand right by the door. I heard the little girl say the “scary man” was looking at her.

Then I looked up to lock eyes with him as we was staring at me through the crack in the door!

I heard the mother get the little girl out of there and I hurried up and got out too. I opened the door and nearly ran over the guy who boldly just stood there and kept staring at me.

Were any words exchanged? No.
Was anyone physically hurt? No.
But you don’t need any of that to feel threatened and uncomfortable. I definitely felt threatened.

It was a terrible experience and as women we should be protected from situations like this. Now that it is a free-for-all our protections are gone, annihilated.
If you are a woman this should concern you. If you have a woman in your life that you love, this should concern you. How is it OK to open this door, to allow things like this to happen to your mother, your daughter, your sister, your friend, TO YOU?

Thing is, this happened to me before anyone really started talking about it, passing laws, and making a lot of noise about how this extremely small portion of the population should be able to make a claim (with nothing to validate it) and be given free rein to walk right into a private area where women and little girls are at their most vulnerable.

Nothing good can come from this. Situations like what happened to me and that poor little girl will be playing out over and over – until people become desensitized and no one hears our cries any longer, thrusting us right back to becoming the inferior creatures that historically we have been labeled and undoing what so many women in history have fought so valiantly for women to achieve.

This is a step backwards in women’s rights folks.

There are no laws that can govern this so the 65 year old pedophile can dress like a woman and walk right in to the ladies room at Chuck E Cheese. All he has to do is claim that he “identifies as a woman” after all.

And what’s to stop teenage boys from raiding their sister’s clothset and dressing up in order to get a free show. Forget internet porn, they can get right up close and personal in the women’s restroom at their local Taco Bell as long as they dress the part.

I find it ironic that the same society that is bashing women for breastfeeding their babies in public areas (even when covered with a blanket) is opening wide the women’s restroom door to any male who dresses as a female – as long as he says he is “transgender” or “identifies as female.”

Am I the only one who sees this as hypocritical?

And before the whiners start in, I have compassion. This type of disorder is a sad thing (and from a medical standpoint it is a disorder), but this is not the answer. Allowing anyone who dresses like a girl to walk right into the women’s restroom is not the answer. In fact, it is extremely foolish and dangerous.

Create a unisex restroom, like the ones parents with children use.

If you are going to choose to go against the grain do not violate my right to privacy in the process.

I do not hate but I do have common sense.
Nothing good can come from this.

Bigot

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People are saying that Kim Davis can have her own religious beliefs, choices, and opinions as long as she keeps them at home (and to herself) but can’t be a Christian at work. OK, let’s flip that.

What if everyone was telling homosexuals that they could have their own beliefs, choices, and opinions at home but they couldn’t bring them to work. In other words they couldn’t be homosexual at work.

Oh, but that’s who they are, you say?

Well Kim Davis is a Christian (an Apostolic Christian, so am I); that is who she is and she cannot separate from that.

Christianity is not something you put on and take off, it is a lifestyle. When you live for God, God is your LIFE.

Oh, but homosexuals are born that way, you say?

Fine. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary (the “gay gene” was debunked in 2008) lets just go with that for the sake of argument.

If that is the case then it is even more logical to conclude that Christians are born Christian.

Wait, hear me out. Humans, ALL humans are created to coexist with a spirit being God or the devil. It is how we are made. It is designed to draw us close to our creator. So if that is the case then technically everyone is born Christian, some just move away from it or are lured away from it during the course of their lives.

What? That sounds strange to you? It’s no different than saying someone is born homosexual (with absolutely NO scientific evidence, mind you) – and Christians have scripture and psychological studies that prove what I have described.

So if these situations are essential the same when you look at it from a logical standpoint without the ridiculous barrage of straw men, red herrings, and slippery slopes that the let is using the distract everyone from the real issue, it begs the question:

Why is is called “tolerance” when it’s the homosexual agenda, yet when it comes to Christians it’s “bigotry and hatred?”

Bigot: a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person;especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group).

So, according to this, we could correctly classify those pushing the homosexual agenda bigots as well.

Why the double standard?

Why is it OK for a MALE who has decided he wants to be a girl to use the girl’s restroom in a high school? I don’t care what you call yourself, YOU’RE STILL A GUY.

And everyone it supposed to just jump on board with this perversion all in the name of “tolerance.” (as you may know, I have a lot to say about the dangers of tolerance)

This country was founded on Christian values. In fact, many of our laws have their roots in scripture. The men who wrote our Constitution did so with God in mind.

And, by the way, the wall of separation clause (separation of church and state) is NOT in the Constitution. In fact, it did not come until later when Thomas Jefferson included it in a letter, the purpose being to suggest that the Church of England not be allowed to rule over the colonies. It was not designed to force Christians into hiding, allowing them to practice their faith in church and at home only. That was never the intention for a nation that was built on Christian values.

But back to the issue at hand.

I see plenty of laws being changed and re-interpreted, even rewritten to promote the homosexual agenda lifestyle choice.

However, I also see plenty of laws being changed and re-interpreted, even rewritten to revoke and prohibit freedoms and rights attached to the Christian lifestyle choice.

So I will finish with this thought.

I hear people say that Kim Davis should find another job, one that does not compromise her religious beliefs and choices.

But if it were a homosexual who could not be homosexual on his or her job, would they be told that they should find another job where they don’t have to compromise their beliefs and choices?

I very much doubt it. In fact,

I will go so far as to say that they would pursue that place with a blood thirsty vengeance, slandering all involved at every opportunity, sending threats to involved parties, and publicly calling them bigots and haters (as those pushing the homosexual agenda have already demonstrated numerous times that this is their SOP). They have already threatened to kill Kim Davis and her family, burn down their home while they are sleeping, and rape her while forcing her husband to watch.

This, intelligent (I hope) readers, is the group that preaches tolerance and love yet refuses to extend to others the very thing they demand from them.

Anyone else see the discrepancy here?

So this brings me back to my original point.

People are saying that Kim Davis can have her own religious beliefs, choices, and opinions as long as she keeps them at home (and to herself) but she can’t be a Christian at work.

What if everyone was telling homosexuals that they could have their own beliefs, choices, and opinions at home but they couldn’t bring them to work. In other words they couldn’t be homosexual at work.

What exactly is the difference? And just who is the real bigot here?

Mobile Office Etiquette

Mobile Office - Sura Nualpradid

Photo by Sura Nualpradid at freedigitalphotos.net

 

With so many businesses offering free wifi in their establishments, more and more freelancers are enjoying the freedom and ease of mobile offices. Unfortunately, some are abusing this privilege and shedding a not so flattering light on freelancers. Don’t be one of “those” people!

Here is my list of ten rules of mobile office etiquette. It will help you be a more professional, better received freelancer and far less likely to get asked to leave. Following these rules will help you stay in the good graces of those powers that keep you supplied in free wifi and a comfy place to work.

  1. Spend some money – Yes, they have free wifi and no, they don’t actually post that you must purchase something from them, but, come on, you know that the wifi is for their customers – their paying customers. Even if they don’t require it, you know it is the right thing to do. Before you sit down with your laptop belly up to the counter and purchase a coffee, tea, hot chocolate, drink, and maybe a little snack. Hey, freelancing is hard work, you need to keep up your strength!
  2. Be friendly – A little courtesy never hurt anyone. Be friendly, smile, greet the employees. This is especially true if you are a regular. Believe me, they notice you. After a few times they will probably even know the vehicle you drive. Don’t fool yourself, you can’t slide in undetected then slink back out. So just be nice, chat a little. They are working too so you aren’t likely to get sucked into a lengthy conversation, but a little friendly courtesy goes a long way.
  3. Be mindful of busy times – Stay observant to what is going on around you and be aware when the busy times roll around. This is more relevant for smaller establishments with limited seating or places that get very busy. If you see booths and tables filling up with paying customers and you’ve been nursing the same cup of coffee for four hours it is either time to lay some money on the table or take a break until the rush is over. You don’t have a right to the seat just because you have been sitting there – that paying customer does.
  4. Be respectful of the establishment – Keep the noise down, don’t leave the restroom a mess, don’t park in the spots by the door, you know, all those little courtesy rules that your mom taught you. When you walk in that establishment that may be your office, but it is not your house. Don’t put your feet on the furniture (unless it is obviously OK). Don’t be destructive, don’t curse (especially loudly), don’t be anything but the professional that you are. You are representing you and you never know when your next client will sit at the table next to you. Keep your professional face on the entire time you are out in public, especially in your mobile office.
  5. Offer a freebie – If the company is small, they may appreciate your services. Offer them a freebie, especially if you are a regular. Talk to the manager or owner, thank them for providing such a beautiful, comfortable, you get the point, place and thank them for the free wifi (this is also a great time to compliment them on their awesome coffee, food, or whatever). Then offer them a little something like a blog post, photos for their walls, whatever you do offer them something. They may take you up on it and the may not. Whatever the case, they are going to remember that you extended the offer. And who knows, you do the freebie and they become loyal customers – it can happen!
  6. Pick up after yourself – Do not, I repeat, Do Not leave your trash lying around when you leave! Your mother doesn’t work there, pick up after yourself. If you eat or drink, toss your trash in the garbage can before you leave. If you spill something, clean it up. You are not a normal customer who comes in, makes a purchase, sits down to consume it then leaves. If you are using this place as a mobile office then you are there for an extended period of time. The fastest way to make yourself unwelcome is to leave your areas a pig sty with trash lying around. It takes just a moment to pick up after yourself.
  7. Don’t overstay your welcome – There is extended stay and then there is homesteading. If you stay and work a few hours, make a purchase or two and follow the other rules then there probably won’t be a problem. However, when you basically set up camp, spread your stuff all around and take up more space than is polite then stay and stay and stay, you become more of a nuisance and not a professional. Leaving for a while then returning is better than just camping out for hours on end.
  8. Silence your phone – You don’t need your phone turned on the loudest ringer (especially if it is some weird ringtone or obnoxious music or something). Set your phone to vibrate and, while you are at it, turn off all the sounds for social media notifications, messages, even when you press the buttons. You want to blend in, not stand out and you definitely do not want to disturb the establishment’s paying customers. Show some courtesy and silence it all.
  9. Take your calls outside – And while we are on the subject of phones, when you get a call, step outside or somewhere private. No one wants to hear your conversations and, no, they don’t make you look cool or important, just unprofessional. And even when you go outside, keep your voice at a normal tone. You don’t need to talk loud and, I don’t care what business you are in, cursing is unprofessional. It just makes you look common and low class. So if you feel the urge to curse on the phone or anywhere else that potential clients may be, keep it professional.
  10. Introduce friends to the business – This is a two-fold rule. If a client meets you at the business purchase something for them, a drink, coffee, something. That way, you are introducing them to the establishment and giving that business a potential new customer. Also, when you aren’t working bring your friends in. Introduce them to the business. If it is good enough for you to spend your time working there it is good enough to bring a friend to and buy them a cup of coffee.

So, what do you think of my rules? Do you have any additions you’d like to add? Anyone from the business aspect of this want to chime in? I am breathless with anticipation.