Aspie Lapse


Today my mother-in-law took my husband and me to lunch. While we were eating, the lady came by with the drinks. I was busy attacking my baked potato (not really attacking, just preparing it) and when she asked if I had unsweetened tea, I just nodded without looking up.

Usually I try very hard to be polite because it is so easy for me to just be in my own Aspie world and be what others would perceive as rude. I have asked my husband to tell me when I lapse into the Aspie focus thing so that I can not be rude to people.

When the lady walked away, he leaned over and very quietly whispered, “You really should look at people when you talk to them. It is seen as rude when you don’t.”

I didn’t realize I had done it or that she would perceive me as rude. To me, I was focused on fixing my potato – not regular, NT focus, Aspie focus. It is very intense.

When she came by again, I looked right at her and said, “I am sorry for being rude before. I did not mean to be. Thank you for refilling my tea.”

She smiled very big and her face got shiny. I don’t really know what that means, but she said it was OK that she understood. Her voice changed to a softer, brighter tone. I think she was happy.

Anyway, I was glad that she was happy and did not have hurt feelings.

Just wish I could catch my Aspie lapses more often before I get myself into situations like that.


6 thoughts on “Aspie Lapse

  1. I honor your hubby’s support and just as important is your wish to make adjustments for the “social norm”. Keep it up!

    • Thank you! He is so wonderful! He is always very discrete, doesn’t say it in front of people where others will hear. He just leans in a whispers very softly. It is our agreement that he helps me so that I don’t hurt people’s feelings by causing them to think I am rude. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

  2. I try to help my daughter when these sorts of things happen but she can get quite grumpy with me and give me the silent treatment at times! Perhaps it is different with mothers and daughters! 🙂

    • Well sometimes I get grumpy about it too! Sometimes it just does not make sense to me. Even in this instance, when my husband told me I was very surprised that it would be considered rude.
      Sometimes I get irritated and think “NTs shouldn’t be so sensitive!” I know that is not kind or very Christian, but sometimes I just get tired of being in a world that is so very driven by emotion. I can’t relate to that, don’t understand it and, to be honest, don’t want to take the time to understand it. Again, I know that isn’t very nice, but that is what is going on inside me.
      I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, though, so I do try very hard.

      • This is just what my daughter would say! When I get ’emotional’ and find it hard that she isn’t reacting in a way I think she should she gets so exasperated with me and says, ‘oh stop being such a female!’ I have come to understand this much better from my research into Asperger’s. She just has no time for what she percieves as ‘female’ traits such as being sensitive. Like you, I know she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and so she decided to lock herself away. She suffers from severe social anxiety for which we are seeking help. I can see the exhaustion in her at these times as you describe, being so ‘tired of being in a world that is so very driven by emotion’.
        Stephanie, thanks so much for sharing this with me, I can’t say enough how much you are helping me understand. I want to get the message out there just how hard it is for people with Asperger’s, and also the unique extra difficulties I think that female aspies have on top of that.
        Bless you my dear 🙂

  3. Thank you Sherri for being such an advocate for us.
    I say the same things that your daughter does! LOL
    I can’t relate to the emotion and I get irritated when people are driven by their emotion because it seems that it really gets in the way of logic and reason. Movies frustrate me so much! I can’t understand why the characters do what they do and make such silly mistakes and do such silly things.
    I am always asking my husband why and if people really do those things. I am probably not much fun to watch a movie with. LOL
    You might enjoy
    It is one of my other blogs.
    God bless!

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